One Direction

Colbert's response to this British pop band winning a VMA:

‘You don’t know you’re beautiful. That’s what makes you beautiful’

First of all, great dating advice. Remember girls, low self-esteem: very attractive to men. Guys always go for the low hanging fruit, okay. Easy pickings.

Second, the lyrics are incredibly complex. You see the boys are singing, “‘You don’t know you’re beautiful. That’s what makes you beautiful,” but they've just told the girl she’s beautiful.

So since she now knows it, she’s no longer beautiful. But it gets deeper. She’s listening to the song too, so she knows she’s not beautiful. Therefore, following the syllogism of the song, she’s instantly beautiful again. 

It’s like an infinite fractal recursion. A flickering quantum state of both ‘hot’ and ‘not'. This lyric as iterated algorithm could lead to a whole new musical genre. I call it ‘Mobius Pop’.

still haven't read Tolkien. guess i'm not a renaissance woman.

James Franco:
actor
painter
short-story author
soaking-wet Gucci spokesman
Oscar-nominee
Oscar-host
General Hospital's psychotic murderer/artist
studied at Brooklyn College, Columbia, Warren Wilson College in the last year
taking classes in filmmaking at NYU where he is also teaching
working on a PhD in English at Yale
plowing through more weed than a tanker full of Round-up

Sir Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.
wearing tights & codpiece under suit
pundit
author
singer
Olympic athlete
war-ender
art-world phenom
sailor
Korean pop star
rapper
ice cream magnate
Congressional witness
feminist boy-toy
March leader (to Keep Fear Alive!)
chef
Emmy winner
Grammy winner
Peabody winner
and Free Pepsi winner!

Colbert also ran for president. but Franco is single, i think, and doesn't have children.
advantage?

Bffs 5ever

I thought it seemed distorted...that's because there was a magnifying glass in front of it!
(Let's not even mention the fact that monotone Sarah from Prison Break ruined the entire episode)

Brain exploding with joy...fake doctors unite!

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
House Returns the Favor
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Colbewart

Carell returns for 3rd interview since leaving TDS. I miss Produce Pete and Even Stevphen.

This is America! If we can put a man on the moon, we can put an 'i' in 'team'.

Awe / Aww

commander-in-chief

You are a gentleman and a scholar

Everyone who knows what that's from gets a prize:





As if that weren't enough for my un-update, here's an Irishman:

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups = God exists

Metal Cart! Hand Sanitizer! Dog! Synthetic Pants!
This is a threat to germaphobic, pet-owning, polyester pants wearers everywhere.
I’ve run out of room for the metal cart, so I’ve included an asterisk and a footnote over here.

no time for writing, just last week's screencaps

RIP, Coverage of the Coverage of the death of MJ:

Sotomayor hearings:

Thanks to NFZ's great screencapping abilities

Coors Light - delicious. it doesn't taste at all like Palmolive dishwashing soap. Oh, they’re a sponsor too?

a bit disjointed

so here's the last show from Iraq - GWB stops in for a bit

and, Stephen's free form dancing without TV anchor hair:

Nation

What prompted you to come to Iraq?
Stephen: I wanted a haircut.

TDS/TCR day 3

Look to the left at my twidiot info for the first segment of Jon as Napoleon. I love fake feuds.
Headlines don't sell papers, Newsies sell papers!

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
End Times
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and from Colbert, I'll be so sad when this is over.
Stephen: They can't have alcohol over there. Tom Hanks: Alas.

TCR day 2

can't remember anything all that exciting from TDS except Hodgman quoting the Terminator. in sunglasses. epic.

TCR made me cry, because, he talked to more soldiers. my sister told me she loves Formidable Opponent. that is all.
i can't tell you how excited i am. i'd like to, but it's classified.

TDS/TCR week of love

I am SO glad he brought up CNN and really every news show's proclivity to beg us to go to their website and report news for them. Even the local news does it. "Upload your pictures from the freakish rain we had last night." Um, hey reporter who gets paid to take pictures, yeah, maybe you should do that. I loves me some Andy Coop but he is incessant--live blog during the show? How about you just tell me what you think? I already pay like $60 for cable in order to watch YOUR show so you can TELL me what is going on in the world, not ASK me what is going on in the world. Do your freaking job.

CNN: We're all like, I know.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
"i" on News
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And on to ColbertInIraq:
I laughed, I wept, I clapped for our heroes. And there's a news anchor with a buzz cut now.

Support our 135,000 active troops

Hey all,
Stephen Colbert, my favorite faux-pundit, is in Iraq all this week as part of his USO tour, and is filming his show, The Colbert Report, for four days there, to be broadcast on the Comedy Central cable channel at 11:30pm, eastern time, Monday, June 8 - Thursday, June 11, with replays the next night at 8:30pm. For those of you who don't have Tivo, a VCR, or cable, the videos are available the next day online at http://www.colbertnation.com/home under "video clips" or "full episodes". This man is dedicated. He's already agreed to a buzz cut of his wavy news-anchor perfect hair.
__________________
It's go time Nation! "The Colbert Report" has deployed to Iraq on a USO tour entitled "Operation Iraqi Stephen: Going Commando" and will tape and perform shows in front of the troops. "The Colbert Report" is the first TV show in USO history to produce a week of shows in a combat zone. In addition, Colbert will post updates from base on Twitter at http://twitter.com/stephenathome. "The USO counts this as military service, right? I might want to run for office some day," Colbert said.

In addition, he is the guest editor for Newsweek on newsstands today! (Monday, June 8).
http://www.newsweek.com/id/200964
This morning he was on Good Morning America giving us sneak peeks of his work in Iraq as well as information about http://donorschoose.org/
http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=7781951

Bless you all and send you home safe.

Fancy Feast! Colbert Eating Things

Our parking lot nearest the building closed today because they're constructing a new building there, still, close enough. And they're drilling in cement. Barrels of fun.


Colbert eating Fancy Feast. Or is it pâté?

A return to silliness

explaining the economy simply and effectively:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Elizabeth Warren Pt. 2
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suck it, i'm talking to space!

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Space Module: Colbert - Sunita Williams
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and:

Colbert & Narcissism.

I am liveblogging about updating my facebook status.

Now my trifecta is complete.

Emily Yoffe: "If our society was made up of entirely narcissistic personalities, we'd have no worshippers."

If you like it so much, why don't you marry it?

Thanks to more detailed people than myself, it was noticed that Dr. House has returned the Colbert love of posting his picture in the background. And can I just also say, does House believe in God now? And he has a private investigator, you don't think he's going to figure out that 13 and Foreman are still dating? Goodness.